The Not-So-Silent Final Duel
by Jadewolf
Summary: Humor. What was going on through the minds of Maul, Obi & Qui during the final saber battle? The world may never know...


Title: The Not-So-Silent Final Duel Caption: Humor. What was going on through the minds of Maul, Obi & Qui during the final saber battle… Author: Sarrenya Disclaimers: All characters belong to the Flanneled One (aka George L.) (lucky boy). Everything I write is total speculation on my part, and meant to be taken lightly, NOT seriously! :) 

(This is meant to be what they are *thinking*, keep in mind.) 

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The Queen and Panaka (et al), along with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, are walking down the corridor to the all-too-familiar hangar bay. 

Qui-Gon: I have a bad feeling about this… 

Obi-Wan: Gads! Keep forgetting! Block, swing, recover, block, swing, and lunge! 

The group reaches the hangar door. When it opens, Maul is standing in their path. Everyone stops in their tracks. 

Qui-Gon: Oh crud. Not that guy again. 

Obi-Wan: Yeesh. This Amidala girl's got a knack for trouble. 

Amidala: Umm…I think I'll leave this for the Jedi… 

Qui-Gon nods shortly to the Queen. "We'll handle this." Amidala acknowledges Qui-Gon with an invisible sigh of relief and motions to Panaka and the rest to follow her. "We'll take the long way." 

Maul takes off his cloak and brings out his saber, lighting one side. 

Obi-Wan: Uhh…that saber handle looks a little long… 

Qui-Gon: Nice guy. He let me take off my cloak. 

Maul: Ha-ha. Watch this, Jedi wimps. 

Maul lights the other side. 

Qui-Gon: I knew I had a bad feeling about this. 

Obi-Wan (mental jaw drop): Is that legal?! 

Maul shows off by twirling his saber over his head, and so they begin. 

Qui-Gon: Sheesh, he's got skills. 

Obi-Wan: Okay, remember; block, swing, recover, block, swing, and LUN-ack! No opening! Try again. Block, swing, recover- 

Maul: Revenge. Revenge. Revenge… 

Qui-Gon: Sith Lords are so one-sided in their opinions. 

Maul catches Obi off-guard and kicks him savagely off the platform. 

Obi-Wan: Oof! 

Qui-Gon (looking down): There goes my help. 

Maul now concentrates on Qui-Gon and fights harder than before. 

Qui-Gon: Okay, that's it, tough guy. I've still got a few tricks up my sleeve. 

Meanwhile… 

Obi-Wan: My saber, my saber, there's my saber, ow, my back, where's Qui-Gon, there's Qui-Gon, use the Force Obi, JUMP! 

He sails up onto the top platform and ignites his saber, running after Qui and Maul. After a few moments, they enter the alternating force fields, and… 

Obi-Wan: AAAHHHHHH!!! Jeez, you think the Force'd give you a little WARNING there… 

Qui-Gon: Phew. That's a break. 

Maul: Dangit dangit dangit! 

Maul paces like a caged animal behind the transparent red force field that separates him from Qui-Gon. 

Maul: Stinking thing, open already! 

Qui-Gon (kneeling and closing his eyes): Relax, relax, relax… 

Obi-Wan: Oh sure, I get trapped way back here. 

The fields open like lightining one after another. Qui-Gon is the first to be on his feet, taking Maul a bit by surprise but not enough, fighting fiercer than before. Obi-Wan races the timing of the fields with Qui and Maul in his line of vision… 

Obi-Wan: Hurry Obi… 

The last field flicks on in front of him and he slides to a halt. 

Obi-Wan: Dangit! 

Obi watches Qui and Maul goin' at it and extinguishes his saber. 

Obi-Wan: C'mon Master! Go Master! 

Qui-Gon (glancing to his side): Oh great. A melting pit. Just what we need. 

As he watches, Qui-Gon begins to tire and lose his locked concentration, then Maul knocks him in the stomach once, twice (he loses his saber)… 

Obi-Wan (screaming and thinking at the same time): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! 

Qui-Gon crumples to a heap. Maul takes his saber outta Qui and looks at Obi-Wan. 

Maul: You're next, pal. 

Obi-Wan: Ohh boy, are YOU going to GET IT, you…big……uhh……red guy… 

The last force field deactivates, and Obi rushes out at Maul. 

Obi-Wan: Kill you! Die! 

Maul: No one likes a feisty Jedi. 

Obi-Wan: Stop getting angry Obi, you're flirting with the dark side here…but wait, if it's for Qui-Gon, does it matter…? 

Maul kicks him squarely in the chest and Obi falls head over heels into the melting pit. 

Obi-Wan: Bad idea. 

Maul kicks Obi's saber into the pit. Obi-Wan watches it fall down. 

Obi-Wan: Big-shot. 

Maul looks down at Obi-Wan, satisfied. 

Obi-Wan: Okay, think Obi. You're holding on for dear life about to fall into empty space. What did Qui-Gon say? Concentrate on the Living Force, use your instincts, right, uhh…okay, that's kinda hard when you're holding on for dear life about to fall into empty space… 

Maul stands above Obi-Wan, impatiently scraping his saber against the edge of the pit and creating sparks. 

Maul: Just die already! 

Obi-Wan concentrates. 

Obi-Wan: …okay, no lightsaber, I have no lightsaber, Qui-Gon, Qui-Gon has a lightsaber, there's his lightsaber, can I reach his lightsaber? With the Force I can reach his lightsaber…or can I reach his lightsaber? Stop thinking so politically correctly Obi-Wan, and just do it…JUMP! 

He Force-leaps up and calls his Master's saber to him, landing neatly and slicing Maul in half. Two halves of Maul fall down the pit where Obi-Wan just was. 

Obi-Wan: Yea!! I defeated my first Sith Lord! Bye-bye Sith Lord! But wait…Qui-Gon… 

He rushes to Qui's side. "Master!" "Obi-Wan…" Qui-Gon breathes. "Promise…promise me you'll train the boy." Obi-Wan nods, ready to do anything for his Master. "He IS the Chosen One…train him…" 

Qui-Gon dies. 

Obi-Wan: No!! Don't you die on me!! 

Too late. 

Obi-Wan: Who is this narrator? Stop that. 

Sorry. 

Obi-Wan sighs. 

Obi-Wan: ME train Anakin? You gotta be kidding me. I'm barely a Jedi myself! Watch, he'll probably turn out to be some Sith Lord or something… 

-------- end 


End file.
